(theme music plays)

WYNCYN

(awkwardly) And that’s that for today’s weather segment, which, again, I have to stress: completely bullshit. I just looked at the sky… and guessed. So.

[pause]

WYNCYN

Uh, next up… I… talk about cooking for an hour? No, that’s stupid. How does Mason do this?

ESME

They usually bring in guest stars when they get bored.

WYNCYN

(shocked) Jesus, Esme! When did you get here?

ESME

A while ago. I got… squeamish. With all the wounds. Downstairs.

WYNCYN

Ah. Yeah, I don’t do too well with blood either, that’s why Tairam sent me to handle the radio station.

ESME

Even though it doesn’t really need to be handled.

WYNCYN

Yes, I get that, but feel free to rub it in.

ESME

I’m just saying, it was nice of him!

WYNCYN

Okay. Are you crushing on Tairam, or what?

ESME

What? No! I just think you guys are too harsh on him when he’s just trying to keep us all safe.

WYNCYN

…Hmm. Mason still hasn’t told him about Will.

ESME

I think they’re hoping everything will align just right so that Will appears in the parking lot at the exact second the evac team touches down. Then he won’t need to take up any of our rations.

WYNCYN

I doubt we’ll get that lucky.

ESME

And I doubt it’ll turn out to be as big of a deal as Mason’s making it out to be. It’s not like Tairam is gonna just turn down a survivor.

WYNCYN

He almost turned down your dog.

ESME

(exasperated) Again with the dog thing! Scout is safe and sound here in the mall with me, and he eats just like everyone else, because Tairam makes sure there’s enough food for him.

WYNCYN

Look, I’m not bashing Tairam. He gave me a place here, and hell, he’s almost like my dad in some ways. But Mason guiding Will here is going to go down like them bringing home a stray puppy, and we know how Tairam feels about dogs.

ESME

Hey, that light just turned red.

WYNCYN

Oh, that means we have a call. Let me just…

[pause]

WILL

Did you just compare me to a stray dog?

WYNCYN

Ah, Will. How are you doing on this fine day?

WILL

Where’s Mason?

ESME

(sarcastically) Wow, he’s got some manners on him.

WILL

Sorry. I just- They haven’t been on the radio all day. Were they hurt yesterday?

WYNCYN

No, no, don’t worry, they’re fine. They’re just one of the only people here trained in first aid, so they’re leading the charge with the wounded downstairs.

ESME

(squeamishly) Eugh. So much blood.

WILL

(relieved) Oh, good. I mean, not good. Who got hurt?

WYNCYN

Aaron, Jule, Elris, Sylrie… Daethie got a few scratches, but nothing too bad.

WILL

Any bites?

WYNCYN

No, thankfully. But Elris and Aaron aren’t doing too well, and I know Jule lost a lot of blood…

ESME

Scout ripped the arm off of a zombie to protect me. I almost puked.

WYNCYN

Hey, that’s on you for going outside in the first place.

ESME

I wanted to help!

WYNCYN

If Tairam tells you to do something, it’s probably for the best. He knows how squeamish you are.

WILL

Speaking of squeamish…

ESME

Oh no.

WILL

(defensively) It’s nothing big! I mean… It might be.

WYNCYN

Spit it out, loverboy.

WILL

Lover- oh, whatever. It’s just… a scratch. Probably.

WYNCYN

Probably? What do you mean, ‘probably?’ Did you get bitten?

WILL

I- I don’t know! It all happened so fast, there were so many zombies, and then I just felt this pain in my arm—I can’t tell whether it’s a bite or a series of weird scratches, but I disinfected it as soon as I got away.

ESME

Well, your chances are better than most if you were able to disinfect it that quickly…

WYNCYN

Yeah, but they’re not great! The evacuation’s in only a few days, and they’re not going to let you come with if you’re bitten.

WILL

Oh, please. If I’m infected, I’ll have turned by then. By the time I get there, we’ll know.

WYNCYN

I guess that’s true…

WILL

Look, I only told you so you’ll know what happened if I stop calling.

ESME

Don’t give up! You could pull through!

WILL

I know, I know, I’m not giving up. I’m just… worried.

WYNCYN

We’re gonna have to tell Mason, you know. They’re gonna freak out.

WILL

Or we could… not tell them?

ESME

That seems… unwise.

WYNCYN

They’re my best friend, man. I’m gonna tell them.

WILL

I just don’t want them to give up on me.

WYNCYN

…What do you think of Mason?

WILL

I think they’re great! I mean, their radio show was my only comfort when the apocalypse started. And now they’re helping me get to an evacuation site… I don’t know what I would have done without them.

WYNCYN

…Mason really likes you, Will.

ESME

(surprised, disapproving that he told will) Wyncyn!

WYNCYN

I just want to know what your intentions are with my friend.

WILL

I… recognize that my interest in them was a little parasocial at first. But… I really like them, too. I want to be friends, at the very least. Maybe… Maybe more, if they’re interested.

ESME

Aw. That’s sweet.

WYNCYN

Hmm. You’re on thin ice, Will… But I guess that’s okay.

WILL

So- Are you gonna tell them?

ESME

I still really think you should.

WYNCYN

Hell, they could be listening.

ESME

I find it hard to believe they wouldn’t have shown up by now if that were the case.

WILL

Please.

WYNCYN

…Fine. We won’t tell Mason. But, for the record… I don’t think they’d ever just give up on you. They’re not that kind of person.

WILL

Thank you. I’m not too far from the mall now, I should be able to make it there in a couple of days.

WYNCYN

Just in time for the evacuation.

WILL

That’s the plan.

ESME

Well, good luck. I should probably get back downstairs to try helping again. It was nice talking to you, Will!

WILL

Same. Bye!

ESME

Byebye! Come on, Scout.

[door opening and closing]

WYNCYN

I’d better see you in this parking lot in three days, mister.

WILL

I know, I know. I’ll be there.

WYNCYN

You’d better.

[door opening]

MASON

Hey, I just passed Esme on the way here and they were super sus—is everything alright?

WYNCYN

Oh, Will’s on the phone.

MASON

Will!

WILL

Mason! (playfully) Have you finished working your healing magic?

MASON

Ha, ha. Yes, I think everyone’s as patched up as they’re going to get, for now. I’ll change their bandages in a few hours and we’ll go from there.

WYNCYN

I should probably go start working on lunch.

MASON

Sure, have fun! It’s good to be back in the station.

WYNCYN

Yeah, I’ll bet. See you later, Mace. And Will: Be here.

WILL

Working on it.

[door opening and closing]

MASON

Well, that was weird. Were you guys talking for long?

WILL

Uh, kinda. He and Esme helped me calm down a little after I got attacked by some zombos.

MASON

Oh, good for them! Are you okay now?

WILL

…Yeah, I’m okay. So, tell me how your crew’s doing!

MASON

Better now, that’s for sure!

(theme music plays)

(static)

(eerie music plays)

Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind the Analog.

Mind the Analog is an apocalyptic horror time travel podcast/audio drama about a detective that… may or may not have caused the apocalypse to begin with.

Detective Alabaster Holmes must make his way through this new reality along with his brothers, one of which thinks he’s dead, the other of which might as well think he’s dead.

You’ll see.

I’m your wonderful host, the narrator. Though of course, I won’t be IN the story. I’ll just be watching from the sidelines.

Keep your both your eyes and ears open, because anything could happen in this world. An anomaly could kill you. You could just die of chloroform, or, or… Something worse could happen. Something far, far worse.

But of course you didn’t hear that from me, of course you didn’t. Anyway. You won’t see me… ever.