NEVAEH
Here’s your drink.

MARIANGEL
Thank youuu! I- (sneezes)

NEVAEH
You’re always sneezing when you’re here.

MARIANGEL
Heh, yeah, I’m actually allergic to cats…

NEVAEH
Wha- Oh my god, right. Okay, that’s- Why don’t you hang out in the back room? There’s less fur there.

MARIANGEL
The employee one?

NEVAEH
Yeah.

MARIANGEL
But there are no cats there. 🥺

NEVAEH
That’s the point. But if you’re really that pressed about it, you can take one of the hypoallergenic ones with you.

MARIANGEL
I feel very special!

NEVAEH
(laughs) You should, I don’t usually do this. Poke your head out if you need a refill.

MARIANGEL
Okay! Wait, but then I can’t talk to you!

NEVAEH
I’m working anyway. I’ll come hang out with you when my next worker gets here. You can take Jude with you if you want?

MARIANGEL
Nahhh, ey’re talking with eir new boyf.

NEVAEH
…Huh?

MARIANGEL
They’re not actually dating, I don’t think. I just kinda want them to.

NEVAEH
That’s my brother ey’re talking to right now. 🫠

MARIANGEL
Oh, oops. I’ll just be uh, going to that back room now!

NEVAEH
(sighs) Have fun.

(Mari walks into the back room with a cat)

MARIANGEL
(to herself) Not my fault if Nevaeh’s brother is just Jude’s type. What am I supposed to do, not cheer them on?

(she sits down at a table with the cat)

MARIANGEL
It’s you and me, Fluffy. You and me and this beautiful amalgamation of coffee and pepsi.

(meow)

MARIANGEL
I know, it really shouldn’t be this good. And- Gah, Fluffy, you’re knocking stuff off the table!

(she picks up the thing that fell)

MARIANGEL
Uh… Uh!!!!

(she abandons Fluffy to run back to Nevaeh at the shop front)

MARIANGEL
(whispered) Nevaeh, we have a problem!

NEVAEH
What’s up?

MARIANGEL
I just found Providence’s old mask in your fucking break room!

NEVAEH
Oh, fuck. Mariangel, look, I-

MARIANGEL
Providence must have been here.

NEVAEH
Uh… Yeah. Yeah, must have..?

MARIANGEL
Everyone here is in danger! What if this means she’s targeting The Cat’s Meow?

NEVAEH
Oh, that’s, uh- Hmm.

MARIANGEL
I have connections, I’ll make sure this place is protected.

NEVAEH
No, don’t- Don’t do that, please.

MARIANGEL
What? Why?

NEVAEH
I’m… an aspiring hero myself! I’d like to give it a go.

MARIANGEL
(disbelieving) You want to ‘give it a go’ against Providence.

NEVAEH
Uh… Yes.

(long pause)

MARIANGEL
…Well, at least let me be there to cheer you on!

NEVAEH
(relieved sigh) Wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take Jude and Apollo their drinks.

MARIANGEL
Oh right, Jude’s here! That helps.

NEVAEH
Helps what?

MARIANGEL
Oh, um- Nothing! Sorry, just thinking out loud.

NEVAEH
…Right.

(Nevaeh walks to Jude and Apollo’s table)

NEVAEH
Here you go. Enjoy.

JUDE
Thanks, Nevaeh!

NEVAEH
No problem. Need anything else? (teasing) Should I light some candles to set the mood?

JUDE
(splutters) It’s not- We’re not-!

APOLLO
Why would we light candles in a cat cafe? That’s asking for a fire.

NEVAEH
I was making fun of you, dumbass.

APOLLO
Oh. 😒

JUDE
Heh, um. Anyway…

NEVAEH
Yeah, yeah, I’ll leave you alone.

(she walks away)

JUDE
What were we talking about, again?

APOLLO
Hobbies, I think. And about how you have none.

JUDE
I do too have hobbies! Like I said, I- I watch the news. Sometimes.

APOLLO
I don’t think that’s a hobby.

JUDE
Well what is it then?

APOLLO
Unhealthy, in this day and age. Don’t you do anything for fun?

JUDE
I mean… I have fun at my jobs!

APOLLO
You have two jobs, and you consider them to be your only source of fun. Am I hearing this right?

JUDE
…Is that bad?

APOLLO
Capitalism has claimed you, Jude. You need to break free of these chains.

JUDE
Well I can’t just quit my jobs. One is important, and the other makes me money.

APOLLO
Sorry, are you saying one of them doesn’t make you money?

JUDE
…Not technically.

APOLLO
Oh my god.

(door opens, bell jingles, Estee looks around and then heads straight for Jude)

ESTEE
Hey Jude, I have a favor to ask! Can you- (pause) Oh, is this…?

JUDE
No! No, it’s not him, it’s… someone else. Apollo, meet Estee.

APOLLO
(alarmed) Estee?

ESTEE
Are you… open?

JUDE
Apollo and I aren’t- we’re just friends!

APOLLO
(disappointed) Oh, you have a boyfriend?

JUDE
No! Well. Yes. Kind of?

ESTEE
Can I talk to you, Jude?

JUDE
Oh boy.

(Jude gets up, they walk a little bit away)

ESTEE
(hushed) I thought I needed to be worried about you in this relationship. Do I need to be worried for Mosaic instead?

JUDE
It’s so complicated, Estee, I- Just… Mosaic wouldn’t care. Trust me.

ESTEE
Well now I’m worried about you again!

JUDE
No, not like- It’s fine, Estee, really. We’re fine. And besides, me and Apollo aren’t even together. We’re just friends.

ESTEE
If you say so.

JUDE
Soooo did you need something, or…?

ESTEE
Oh, yeah. Come on, you can suit up on the way.

JUDE
Aw man.

ESTEE
Oh, stop kvetching. Besides, you owe me one after I accidentally peer-pressured DCA into letting your boyfriend join the team!

JUDE
(sigh) Okay, okay, let me say goodbye to Apollo.

(they walk back to the table)

JUDE
Turns out I gotta go. Sorry, Apollo.

APOLLO
It’s… no problem. Really.

ESTEE
Nice meeting you, Apollo! Later!

APOLLO
Later.

JUDE
Oh, wait- Can I get your number?

APOLLO
Oh, I- (flustered) Yeah, here.

(they exchange numbers)

JUDE
Thanks, Apollo!

APOLLO
No problem.

(Jude and Estee run out the door)

JUDE
So, what are we doing?

ESTEE
We have a Super problem.

JUDE
I figured as much.

ESTEE
Yeah, yeah. Here, change into your super suit in this alley, I’ll stand watch.

JUDE
How do you know I even have it on me!?

ESTEE
You always have it on you, Jude.

JUDE
Damn. 🥺

ESTEE
(laughs) Just change, goofball.

JUDE
Okay, okay. Tell me about this super problem.

ESTEE
Alright, so. I know Liar Liar isn’t usually your domain…

JUDE
Oh boy.

ESTEE
But you’ve got to fight someone now that Mosaic’s out of the picture.

JUDE
What did she do this time?

ESTEE
Convinced Sentinel that he’s her caretaker. He’s too nice to ‘quit’ the job since she’s pretending she’s helpless without him.

JUDE
That’s… huh. And what does she gain from this, exactly…?

ESTEE
Well, now they’re robbing a bank together.

JUDE
The hell!? Since when are Liar Liar’s powers that strong?

ESTEE
Since she used it on someone who’s as much as a, uh… putz as Pat.

JUDE
Hey, don’t be mean!

ESTEE
Aw, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just- Well, he’s not the brightest, our Pat. But we love him.

JUDE
We love him.

ESTEE
And speaking of love, where is Mosaic? He should probably be in on this?

JUDE
Oh, I, um… I don’t actually have his number.

ESTEE
What… the hell? Why not?

JUDE
It’s… like I said. Complicated.

ESTEE
Oh, whatever. You ready to go?

JUDE
What about you?

ESTEE
Oh, yeah. Okay, you play lookout while I change!

JUDE
On it!

-SCENE CUT-

ESTEE
Sentinel, it is not ableist to not push a villain’s wheelchair into the bank she wants to rob.

PATRICK
Are you sure!?!? She seems to think otherwise! And I want to listen to real disabled voices-

SYDNEY
(half-sarcastic) I love how hard you try.

PATRICK
(on the verge of tears) Thank you!

JUDE
Liar Liar, let him go.

SYDNEY
I don’t think I will, actually.

JUDE
In that case: Duck, Sentinel!

(blaster goes off)

PATRICK
(shouts in alarm)

ESTEE
Is that a fucking gun!?

JUDE
Uh, no, it’s a blaster. Heroes aren’t allowed to have guns.

ESTEE
Did Val give you the okay on this?

JUDE
Yes, actually. They said I needed to be more offensive.

ESTEE
You always did go too easy on Mosaic.

SYDNEY
And now you’re going too easy on me.

(gunshots, Jude cries out in pain)

SYDNEY
Now that’s a fucking gun!

ESTEE
Sentinel, take her damn gun away!

PATRICK
I can’t, it’s a part of her wheelchair! It’s wrong to touch someone’s mobility aid without permission!

SYDNEY
This is the most fun I’ve ever had being disabled.

JUDE
(pained) Double Trouble, I think it’s time to summon another you!

ESTEE
On it!

(summoning sound)

ESTEE2
Hello!

ESTEE1
Hi! Let’s kick Liar Liar’s ass!

ESTEE2
But… she’s in a wheelchair.

JUDE
Are you kidding me!?!!

ESTEE1
She’s evil, just do it!

ESTEE2
Oh, alright, but this better not end up online.

SYDNEY
Sentinel! Take me away from here!

PATRICK
Okay!

JUDE
Sentinel, stop!

PATRICK
It’s my job, Solis!

JUDE
No it isn’t!!!

(running, wheeling, gunshots and blasters. Jude lags behind)

ESTEE2
Hi-yah!

ESTEE1
Ooh, another martial arts DT!

ESTEE2
Kung-fu. What about you?

ESTEE1
Taekwondo.

JUDE
(distantly) Can you please use those martial arts on the damn villain!?

ESTEE1
Oh, yeah!

(fighting sounds)

(barrier noise)

PATRICK
BARRICADE

ESTEE1
Dammit, Sentinel!

SYDNEY
Hey, Barrier Boy! Tell Double Trouble to eat shit!

PATRICK
(crying) Eat shit, Double Trouble!

(running on glass)

APOLLO
Hey, what’s up?

ESTEE1
Mosaic! Help us out here, will you?

APOLLO
Sure. Where’s Solis?

ESTEE1
What do you mean? They’re right behind me- Oh, shit.

APOLLO
I’ll find them.

(sounds fade as Mosaic runs back towards the bank)

APOLLO
(alarmed) Solis?

JUDE
(clearly not fine) I-I’m fine.

APOLLO
(flatly) Oh, yeah, that’s probably why you’re bleeding all over this alleyway.

JUDE
(groans)

APOLLO
Sorry, sorry.

(he walks up to Solis, who is leaned against a wall)

APOLLO
What’s wrong?

JUDE
Liar Liar’s wheelchair has a retractable firearm.

APOLLO
She shot you!?

JUDE
O-Only a little. I think it just grazed me. It’s fine, I promise, I won’t die, it just- hurts.

APOLLO
I didn’t think I’d have to worry about you so much when I became a hero. Shame the world couldn’t cut you a break and give you a healing power.

JUDE
(uncomfortably) Ha. Yeah.

(sounds of fighting get louder again)

REPORTER
The Double Troubles are now running back the way they came, seemingly looking for Solis and Mosaic- and there they are! Oh, and Sentinel is pushing Liar Liar’s wheelchair after them.

SYDNEY
Why are you taking me back to the scene of the crime!?

PATRICK
My friends need help, but I can’t just leave a disabled person alone!

SYDNEY
Okay, now that’s ableist!

APOLLO
Liar Liar!

SYDNEY
(angrily) Oh, here we fucking go.

APOLLO
What the fuck, Liar? We’re working on a treaty!

SYDNEY
Yeah, but there’s no treaty yet. Gotta get my crimes in while I still can.

APOLLO
(angrily) Well do me a favor and don’t shoot my fucking partner next time, or else we’re going to have a problem.

SYDNEY
Oh? You wanna be like that? Don’t pretend you care about them.

APOLLO
(slightly panicked) I-I do! I, uh, love them, even!

SYDNEY
(hushed) This whole thing is stupid. You want to learn about the Paragons? Here. (normal voice) Solis, you’re so obviously in love with Mosaic.

JUDE
(splutters) W-What? Noooo what are you talking about?

REPORTER
(confused) Okay, interesting, seems like Solis and Mosaic are actually not a thing-

JUDE
I mean! Yes! Yes I do love him! I’m just… shy!

REPORTER
Solis, despite being the first to claim love in an earlier interview, now claims they are too shy to say it aloud when asked! (genuinely) We are learning so much about our beloved hero on this day.

APOLLO
Liar, I swear to god, if you mind-control them-

SYDNEY
You love him so dearly, Solis. He’s incredibly important to you. Now tell him-

APOLLO
(furious and worried) Stop!

JUDE
(gently) Hey, don’t worry, Mosaic. I don’t feel any different. Guess I’m not as gullible as Sentinel.

APOLLO
You… Don’t? Not even a little bit? She usually has at least some sway when she really puts her mind to this kind of thing…

JUDE
Nope, I feel totally normal! What was she getting out of this, anyway?

APOLLO
(angrily) I don’t know. Now leave, Liar Liar, before the cops get here and this gets even more complicated than it already is.

SYDNEY
You don’t have to tell me twice. Later, Sentinel!

ESTEE1
Ope, we’re not actually supposed to let the villains go- Alllright, and she’s gone.

ESTEE2
At least your Sentinel is normal again.

PATRICK
(in tears) Am I ableist for saying it was rude to rob a bank? 🥺